Identity - who am I?

Family as a Contributor to Self-Identity

Throughout a person’s life, there will be several times when he or she questions who he or she is and whether the answer is the person they want to be. How a person answers that question – who am I? – is their identity. Simply put, identity is how a person defines or describes themselves. That definition evolves over time as their interests and priorities change. A prepubescent child would not describe himself or herself in the same terms as someone in the early stages of adulthood, who in turn would see himself or herself differently as their neared retirement age. Although a person’s sense of identity changes with time, the foundation for a strong sense of self-identity is laid in childhood. During those brief but important years, a number of influences will work to help shape a person's identity. However, the single biggest contributor to a strong sense of self-identity is family.

The family is a person's first peer group so his or her initial sense of self-identity will be greatly influenced by them. Their identity may be defined in terms such as daughter, son, sister, or brother. With time his or her identity will move away from being connected to another person (i.e. Johnny's sister or Mary's son) to one that is solely reflective of themselves. It is during this time that the family is most influential in shaping a person's self-identity. In her book Ladies First: Revelations of a Strong Woman, Queen Latifah describes how her mother challenged her to describe herself on her own terms. She writes, "I don't have to accept somebody else's moniker for me. I define who I am. My mom planted a seed in my head that day" (35). Her example of being teased and rejecting her peer's label for her in favor of defining herself is an example of the power of the family's influence. How would her sense of identity been different if her mother had instead told her that there was nothing wrong with being a tomboy? Perhaps the lesson learned would have been one of conformity or casual acceptance of another's judgment. Certainly that would have changed the trajectory of her life and her career. It would be hard to imagine a leader in women's rights or women's self-esteem who simply shrugged her shoulders if referred to as a bitch or a ho.

Similar lessons were taught to bell hooks by her grandmother, who she referred to as Baba. "Ya have the right to be yaself in ya own heart." "Stand up and speak up." Don't "give a [expletive] what folk...think" (375). Each of these lessons was passed on as Baba pressed the importance of listening to one's instincts and trusting in your sense of self. It was Baba's trust in herself and her identity as a woman and a wife that helped shaped bell's own self-identity.

Families also serve as a mirror to one's self. Seeing this "reflection" may shape a person's identity by either reinforcing their existing sense of self or by driving them to change the way they define themselves. bell hooks writes, "Families do that. They chart psychic genealogies that often overlook what is right before our eyes" (376). Those psychic genealogies may have been the underlying influence in her inter-familial relationships, but seeing those relationships play out on a day to day basis challenged her assumptions about herself and how she viewed the world. Seeing the contrast between her rebel grandparents and conformist mother presented two opposing views and ways of life for young bell. As she was able to compare and contrast these aspects of their identities, her own sense of self developed and matured. The same process happens similarly in other families. Whether raised in loving, support homes or ones plagued by abuse and addiction, people look to their families and see characteristics of themselves in each other. What they see will inevitably shape their evolving self-identity.

While there are a number of contributing factors, families are the largest (and some may argue the most important) factor in developing a strong self-identity. Their influence begins in a child's infancy and continues throughout life as their sense of self develops and matures. As a child’s first peer group, the family encourages a strong self-identity by laying the foundations of trust. By learning to trust one’s instincts, a person gains confidence in themselves and their decisions. Families also serve as a cultural influence and pass on traditions and values that act as fundamental ingredients in the shaping of a strong self-identity. As a mirror of one’s self, the family continues their influence in the development of identity by reflecting what can be seen as both positive and negative aspects of the way a person defines themselves. By seeing those aspects in others and also seeing how they influence familial relationships, a person is either strengthened in their defining characteristics or chooses to shift in a different direction. Later in life there will be other contributing factors, but the family will remain as the first and largest factor in the development of self-identity.