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Gathering Support from the Community

No man is an island. This statement, first written in John Donne's book Devotions upon Emergent Occasions, has been dissected and reflected upon countless times since it was published in 1624. Humans are social beings. Peter Richerson of the University of California at Davis compares humans (more specifically, college students) with other primates and notes the ease with which they interact with each other, even without the benefit of having previously met. David Berreby quotes him describing humans' need to belong to a group by saying, "We want to live in tribes…[people] are looking to be told what group they belong to" (123). Surrounding his or herself with a group of people - a community - serves many purposes to each participant. Perhaps the greatest function of community in one's life is to support each other through the many stages of life.

Gladys Cason had recently moved to Virginia from her home in Puerto Rico when she met and married her husband. Five months later her daughter Andrea was born. Being new to the area, she did not have many solid friendships. She describes her pregnancy sadly: "No one threw me a baby shower. No one was excited for me. It was just me, my husband, and the baby in my stomach." In addition, as a stay at home mom, she did not have office colleagues with whom she could confide in or compare notes on parenting. The lack of support from a parent centric community made her transition into motherhood difficult. "It was hard because I had no one to talk to," she says. She frequently doubted herself and her confidence faltered. Without any family nearby, she felt isolated. In the days before Skype, cell phones and free nationwide long distance, calls to her mother in Puerto Rico were infrequent and brief. She longed for other mothers to sympathize and interact with. Her daughter Andrea described a very different experience when she had her first child. Andrea had a close group of friends whom she met through an online pregnancy forum. As the weeks passed, they bonded over shared pregnancy symptoms and parenting worries. By the time their babies were born, they had become a tight knit group whose reliance and support stretched far beyond pregnancy. "We aren't just a 'mommy group' ", Andrea says. "These women are my marriage counselors, my financial planners. My therapist while I'm waiting to get an appointment with my actual therapist." She went on to describe the backing that several mothers received from the community and how it helped them with their struggles through post partum depression. One member even went so far as to call the obstetrician of a mom that she felt was suffering in silence and needed help. Because of her outreach, she finally sought treatment. Not every mother in the group has needed such a drastic intervention, but each of them counts the community as a cornerstone of their successes in motherhood.

Like Andrea's experience with her "mommy group", the Amish find support within a community of like minded individuals. The support is even more essential as they find themselves separated from those who do not share their religious beliefs. The community must be as self sufficient as possible, as they are forbidden from entering into business relationships with a non-Amish person. By relying on themselves, their community, and their faith, the Amish find the support needed to resist temptations of the outside world. They also rely on a strict set of guidelines which cover every facet of life. These rules are directed at keeping the world out; not to punish outsiders but to protect the members of the community. The Amish believe that "it is the duty of a Christian to keep himself 'unspotted from the world' and separate from the desires, intent, and goals of the worldly person" (140). By removing temptation in the form of fashionable attire or modern farming equipment, the community is safeguarded from the sins of lust, sloth, jealousy, and greed. The community shows its support by protecting its members from excommunication and eternal damnation.

Not receiving the support of one's community can be devastating. Kumi Hodge talked about the lack of support from his friends due to his academic achievement. He writes, "From a young age, I noticed that being book smart can make you unpopular" (259). He didn't describe the bullying in detail other than to say he was stereotyped and the butt of many jokes, but it wouldn't be hard to imagine the teasing that he had to endure. While he ultimately chose to continue to pursue his education, one can only wonder how many children chose a different path. Undoubtedly there are thousands of children whose lives were negatively affected by teasing and bullying and who never realized their full potential because of a stunted education. Berreby says that once assigned to a group, its members want to know what the rules are for continued membership (123). In Hodge's case, the rules of his community stated that his performance in school should be limited to at most, average levels of achievement. How those rules were set is the subject of ongoing debate. It is perhaps a mix of institutionalized racism and oppression, combined with the destructive cycle of poverty in the Black community. Whatever the root, the emergent lesson of Hodge's community was that one's place in society had been assigned and to reach for an improved quality of life was not just frowned upon but vilified.

Support for its members is one of the most important roles of a community. With it, its members thrive. They are more confident, more hopeful, and more trustful of others. It is the knowledge that there is a reliable group of people on whom he or she can count on that allows a person to welcome new challenges and embrace opportunities as they present themselves. Without the support of a positive community, a group member can become withdrawn. They may even choose to sacrifice their own identity or beliefs in search of the support they require. Perhaps that is the greater lesson - that a person who does not receive the support they need from their community will either find a new group to join or change themselves in order to fit in to the group in which they are already a member.

Gathering Support from the Community

No man is an island. This statement, first written in John Donne's book Devotions upon Emergent Occasions, has been dissected and reflected upon countless times since it was published in 1624. Humans are social beings. Peter Richerson of the University of California at Davis compares humans (more specifically, college students) with other primates and notes the ease with which they interact with each other, even without the benefit of having previously met. David Berreby quotes him describing humans' need to belong to a group by saying, "We want to live in tribes…[people] are looking to be told what group they belong to" (Berreby 123). Surrounding his or herself with a group of people - a community - serves many purposes to each participant. Perhaps the greatest function of community in our life is to support each other through the many stages of life.

Gladys Cason had recently moved to Virginia from her home in Puerto Rico when she met and married her husband. Five months later her daughter Andrea was born. Being new to the area, she did not have many solid friendships. She describes her pregnancy sadly: "No one threw me a baby shower. No one was excited for me. It was just me, my husband, and the baby in my stomach." In addition, as a stay at home mom, she did not have office colleagues with whom she could confide in or compare notes on parenting. The lack of support from a parent-centric community made her transition into motherhood difficult. "It was hard because I had no one to talk to," she says. She frequently doubted herself and her confidence faltered. Without any family nearby, she felt isolated. In the days before Skype, cell phones and free nationwide long distance, calls to her mother in Puerto Rico were infrequent and brief. She longed for other mothers to sympathize and interact with.

Her daughter Andrea described a very different experience when she had her first child. Andrea had a close group of friends whom she met through an online pregnancy forum. As the weeks passed, they bonded over shared pregnancy symptoms and parenting worries. By the time their babies were born, they had become a tight knit group whose reliance and support stretched far beyond pregnancy. "We aren't just a 'mommy group' ", Andrea says. "These women are my marriage counselors, my financial planners. My therapist while I'm waiting to get an appointment with my actual therapist." She went on to describe the backing that several mothers received from the community and how it helped them with their struggles through post partum depression. One member even went so far as to call the obstetrician of a mom that she felt was suffering in silence and needed help. Because of her outreach, she finally sought treatment. Not every mother in the group has needed such a drastic intervention, but each of them counts the community as a cornerstone of their successes in motherhood. The support each woman receives has continued with time. Now that the children are toddlers, they turn to each other for advice on issues ranging from hitting to potty training. As their families have grown to include more children, the women of the mommy group have come to rely on each other for advice and reassurance to get them through the challenges of parenthood.

Like Andrea's experience with her "mommy group", the Amish find support within a community of like minded individuals. The support is even more essential as they find themselves separated from those who do not share their religious beliefs. The community must be as self sufficient as possible, as they are forbidden from entering into business relationships with a non-Amish person. By relying on themselves, their community, and their faith, the Amish find the support needed to resist temptations of the outside world. They also rely on a strict set of guidelines which cover every facet of life. These rules are directed at keeping the world out; not to punish outsiders but to protect the members of the community. The Amish believe that "it is the duty of a Christian to keep himself 'unspotted from the world' and separate from the desires, intent, and goals of the worldly person" (Hostetler 140). By removing temptation in the form of fashionable attire or modern farming equipment, the community is safeguarded from the sins of lust, sloth, jealousy, and greed. Additionally, rather than focus on converting nonbelievers, as other Christian faiths do, they concentrate their efforts within their own community to maintain a lifestyle of self-denial and strict obedience to their teachings. "It is their primary concern to keep their own baptized members from slipping into the outer world, or into other religious groups" (Hostetler 146). The community shows its support by protecting its members from excommunication and eternal damnation.

Not receiving the support of one's community can be devastating. Kumi Hodge talked about the lack of support from his friends due to his academic achievement. He writes, "From a young age, I noticed that being book smart can make you unpopular" (Hodge 259). He didn't describe the bullying in detail other than to say he was stereotyped and the butt of many jokes, but it wouldn't be hard to imagine the teasing that he had to endure. While he ultimately chose to continue to pursue his education, one can only wonder how many children chose a different path. Undoubtedly there are thousands of children whose lives were negatively affected by teasing and bullying and who never realized their full potential because of a stunted education. Berreby says that once assigned to a group, its members want to know what the rules are for continued membership (123). In Hodge's case, the rules of his community stated that his performance in school should be limited to at most, average levels of achievement. How those rules were set is the subject of ongoing debate. It is perhaps a mix of institutionalized racism and oppression, combined with the destructive cycle of poverty in the Black community. Whatever the root, the emergent lesson of Hodge's community was that one's place in society had been assigned and to reach for an improved quality of life was not just frowned upon but vilified. It is the fear of vilification that contributes to continued poverty in the Black community. Without an education, one can never reach a more financially comfortable position in society and so the lack of support causes the community to cannibalize and sabotage itself.

Support for its members is one of the most important roles of a community. With it, its members thrive. They are more confident, more hopeful, and more trustful of others. It is the knowledge that there is a reliable group of people on whom he or she can count on that allows a person to welcome new challenges and embrace opportunities as they present themselves. Without the support of a positive community, a group member can become withdrawn. They may even choose to sacrifice their own identity or beliefs in search of the support they require. Perhaps that is the greater lesson - that a person who does not receive the support they need from their community will either find a new group to join or change themselves in order to fit in to the group in which they are already a member.